Rather than separately responding to the last few posts I will say a few things here. Most of all thank you everyone for your concern and care. This does help me a lot.

I know I am not well but can't get Kurt Cobain's lyrics out of my mind, 'Just because your paranoid, don't mean they're not after you'. Apart from this I am highly aware I am hypomanic and mixed at times. Kind of swinging between them both. The hypomania is great but the mixed terrifies me.

In the past I have rarely been psychotic, and even then not dramatically so, except once and that was grandiosity (I believed I was god). I am not a suspicious, paranoid person by nature but right now when I put the pieces together it seems very real. So, I am very confused by what you are all saying. Not at all angry though. It feels like I have been trapped in a corner and manipulated to be so. This is going to make it difficult to speak to my T on Tuesday ( when I assume he will get back to me). I am scared of him, and what he may do.