Quote:
Originally Posted by marvelousness
I am 22 years old and the only other relationship I’ve been in was a high school relationship that lasted around 6 months. Looking back at it now, I see all the flaws in both him and me as to why it was best that we broke up. It was all such a whirlwind of emotions that I had never felt for someone before (granted I don’t have much experience). To me, he almost seemed too good to be true until he wasn’t anymore, my best friend had to tell me that she sensed something off with him because she’d been in an abusive relationship before and didn’t like the way he treated me or my friends (including her). I need to move on, I totally know that. I’m just trying to make sense of it because for so long, I was convinced that I was the at fault for the downfall of our relationship. I don’t think of myself as a very important person and have always felt lesser than others. What I need to do is figure out who I am and what I am passionate about before ever trying to have a committed and real relationship with anyone. It’s just the fact that he made me feel like he was in love with everything about me in the beginning. I could do no wrong in his eyes. he made me feel so important to him. But then there was a voice in the back of my head that said “he knows nothing and it’s only a matter of time before he finds out how boring you are”. I know it starts with me, I just need to get on with finding out who I am and actually loving/knowing myself.
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I think you're awful hard on yourself Marvelousness. You have nothing to feel ashamed about. You are not "less than" anyone else. Feeling "less than" is not the same as being less than. It can really help to explore feelings and thoughts...to be sure we aren't accepting negative thoughts about ourselves which are not true. I hope I don't sound preachy....I only want to support you. I may have already said it could help you to think about the type of person your father is/was...his relationship with you and with your mother. He was your role model for a man when you were growing up. There could always be exceptions but research indicates that women tend to partner with someone who is similar to their father...it's not an obvious or conscious choice but psychologists have noted that pattern.
You have already developed a lot of insight as a 22 year old. I'm in my late 30s and still figuring these things out!
Thank you for sharing your truth here on PC. I believe that's an important part of healing.