
Jan 27, 2019, 10:21 AM
|
|
|
Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: inside my head
Posts: 122
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
If you have tendencies for addictions/excess to avoid things, I would keep an eye on how you use therapy. The biggest problem for me was that it ended up being yet another addiction, it became a distraction more than anything else. I talked to the Ts about all sorts of things, including the addictions, but it became very diffuse and went all over the map instead of actually addressing the one thing (or a few) that truly caused pretty much all of my problems - the unhealthy avoidance strategies and seeking immediate gratification/escape from feelings and discomfort. And making my discomfort much worse in the long run with engaging in bad habits, including some that really affected both my physical and mental health. My therapy was not successful because first I chose the wrong T or me, then someone good but I more engaged in enjoyable conversations with him or used him as a dumping ground rather than actually changing/developing something better. And unfortunately he went along with it for some reason, probably in part because he tried to be careful and did not want to push me and, I also believe, in part because he actually avoided truly working his role and got hooked on the interestingness and variety of our interactions and a sense of similarity between the two of us. Now if I ever wanted to try therapy again, I would only choose and stay with someone truly pragmatic, unlike my last T who claimed that but did not demonstrate at all.
Also, I don't want to divert the topic of this thread but I read on another one from you that you like how your T appreciates your intelligence and insightfulness. I had that experience as well with both. That was not what got me hooked but it's been the code of my life and my most characteristic go-to, something that I received attention for in my whole life, including my family of origin, schools, career, friends... and I use it as an easy/effortless way out of many hard situations. The addictions, for example, which have nothing to do with being intelligent and insightful, they are dysfunctional actions driven by momentary feelings and cannot be resolved by even the most extraordinary insight or deep conversation, only hardcore action and doing things differently. And sometimes it involves going to places we don't want to reveal and address. If you have addictive issues, I would suggest that you don't wait until you feel more comfortable to tackle them - it may well never happen and the problems will only persist. I often see on this forum people advocating that it is not a good idea to put pressure on negative feelings and allow them to exist until someone is ready... I tend to disagree with that because, I think, often that "ready" never comes until way too late, when there is already a lot of destruction, wasted time and regrets. Feelings and discomfort actually often respond to constructive action and interaction very well, the problem is that we wait for some motivation too long to get into it. That we need time to get ready. For me, none of my significant problems were of that nature (something that would really need waiting), that sense and perception was more my own avoidance.
I don't personally tend to fear judgment and criticism much but I think the avoidance due to that fear is also an act to "prevent" momentary discomfort. Many of my best experiences of personal growth have come when I pushed myself and acted in spite of my anxiety, shame, or a sense of lacking the necessary resources. Another problems with waiting much in therapy, I think, is that we might be with the wrong T and not find out until so much time and money is wasted on it, on actually seeking comfort at the expense of true growth and change.
|
I'm so glad you mentioned keeping an eye on how I use therapy because I'm literally using it as a coping strategy. The thought of quitting, which I've had because now therapy is all I think of, immediately makes my life so much harder to manage. Therapy is currently always on my mind, distracting me from other thoughts that cause me anxiety. Though the thoughts about therapy do somewhat cause me to spend hours ruminating, I prefer that over other thoughts and feelings. It hasn't been healthy. I do also agree with some things having to be said as soon as, rather than waiting, but if I mention this to my T, how may she respond? How could she possibly help with this?
|