Quote:
Originally Posted by here today
I don't know that it's the telling per se -- it's the owning of those feelings yourself that is probably the important thing. But it needs to happen in a relationship first? That the T can accept you and those feelings? Talking about them in person, then, may help but I'm not sure that email will -- except if that's the best way you can broach the topic, if those feelings are too difficult to discuss in person?
What happened to those parts when you loved others in your life at an earlier age? What you wrote about the adult self in particular stikes a chord in me, too, like something I was missing and never got and was important for being a full, healthy, participating adult.
Given that he has focused so much on you being an adult, seems like that could be a particularly interesting one to discuss with him? And to have him accept you, and that feeling? If he can -- or, if he can't, accept that about him and move on?
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I think here today is on to something here.
If you never got these needs met, it's hard to do the adult stuff. The conflict will manifest itself in discordance and cause more anxiety and wear you down. It's almost like lying to yourself all the time-trying to repress these needs; feeling one thing but doing another. That is exhausting to keep up, and anxiety is actually a signal that the discordance is there and needs an outlet or strategy to deal with.
I don't mean that's it's for your T to meet these needs, but maybe to give them the attention they deserve; if not just the validation and acceptance of your expression of them.
It also reminds me of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where if you don't feel safe, it's difficult to self actualize. I think this concept-while older and simplistic-still holds true.
