I'm so sorry you're struggling, klh90 It sounds like you're going through a lot. Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's not your fault for feeling like this. In fact, I think you're handling this pretty well, simply by the fact that you're reaching out to us. That means that you DO want help, you're just struggling with motivation. That's an important thing to acknowledge. I think your lack of motivation may be caused by the bad experiences you've had so far. I agree with Bill3. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could start working on yourself and your self-esteem. Just try to hang on. Try to get even the lousiest job you can. You will still make some money and provide for your basic necessities. Starting from there, you can start making some plans for the future - whether you want to go back to school or not, for example. Just take it one step at the time. No need to hurry. Take baby steps. Set yourself a goal, and divide that into several different goals. Once you've accomplished something, your confidence will hopefully boost. Reward yourself every time you're able to accomplish something. I know it's not easy, but please don't give up. It will take time, but it can be done. You can do this! You're strong, I'm sure of that. I believe in you. Do you have a support system IRL? Any friend or family members that could help you? Perhaps even economicaly. Whathever happens, we'll always be here to support you. Keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.