Sorry that you are feeling miserable. My lowest points have been when I decided that I had to work on the life that I have. Perhaps I don't love my life, perhaps I don't have what I want, but... I got given a few years so why not experiment.

Your expectations seem way out of line with your ability - that's normal BUT people re-create their lives by taking positive actions, "positive" meaning doing what will gradually get you to a happier place = for you to define.

When I was really low, I took a step back and looked at the circles I kept going round, and I decided to do just one thing to break the circle. For me at that time losing weight proved that I have some control over what makes me miserable.

Now I don't much care if I lose weight or not, but the message is you are the person who has the power to break your vicious circles. Once other people see you taking action, you will be more attractive to them.

Up to you . Hugs, although I believe that you will think hugs and my experience are totally not exciting on your scheme of things. Slam them back to me if it floats your boat.