So my issue I've realized, is also a vulnerability. I get hijacked by insecure emotions during group. If I share, it's stupid and everyone knows it. If I don't share, I'm a chicken and everyone knows it. I don't know how to protect myself from that and its deep rooted. I don't think this group is for me anymore, unfortunately. I do think DBT helps. And I will continue to use it and learn about it. But I need to work on my issues before being in a group therapy setting. It's too much.

I've shared this with my therapist. She gave me a tool to use, it's called a resource image. It's visualizing something calm for me during stressful situations. It helped doing that in therapy. But it takes time to cultivate. It won't always protect me. Idk. Being hijacked is hard. Very uncomfortable.

I am learning, on top of all this, that I have complex trauma.

Not sure what else to say. I wish I could stay. Don't know if I have the strength. I was worried last weekend that the stress was going to cause something physically unhealthy to happen to me.