So it happened again in a mild form but in a way that helps me understand something, I think.

Someone online reached out saying that I should reach out. The person didn't know me really but had the background in psychology and meditation so I gave it a shot, but started carefully, saying I really don't think you can help and meditation can't and I'm not sure psychology can either. The person insisted. I told the story in a brief form as I have done here. What happened?

The person backed away saying that I must not be experiencing reality correctly.

Why? Because bad things don't happen or if they do it is the person's mistaken thoughts or beliefs.

That is called the "just world" belief. That the world is actually just and safe so if something bad happens it must be the person's fault or not true or a little bit of both. That is why people blame the victim and why victim's blame themselves.


Blaming the victim comes from a deep fear of vulnerability and also some sense of entitlement. That just couldn't happen to me because


Or the victim blames herself because then it won't happen to her again.

The just world excuse is there underneath even well meaning people who have doubts when confronted with too much reality.



There are psych studies that show that well meaning ethical people tend to blame a person who is bullied.


It's just too scary to admit they could be that person. And even scarier to let in the idea that the world is gratuitous. That you can work hard, be innocent, do all the right things, and still be subjected to things that are terrible and unjust.

People can't function if they allow that in. The whole system of society tells us that if you do all the right things and work hard you get rewarded not punished.

In many other circles this is called ideology, a belief system that is invisible and delusional but widely shared by in cultures so that people behave in certain ways and reject things outside the basic story told by the ideology.

Unfortunately there is nothing I can do to tell my truth under those circumstances. I can try. I can say "I know why the caged bird sings" but my silence is preferred.