I am with Divine, Katie - I question whether you are seeing reality vs what you want to be reality.

Psych nurses get a lot of training and make a lot of money. They also enjoy flexibility that not all professions enjoy - within certain boundaries they can set their own hours (shifts). I once had a male psych nurse, a French guy, and also with long hair, who only worked nights. Who knows what he did during the days? Maybe he taught kids at schools to play musical instruments, drawing meager salaries as a public school teacher and supplementing that income with occasional psych nurse hours at night.

Because they make a lot of money, they have a lot at stake - it is not a profession to take lightly and to risk losing after so many years of education. Of course, people can and do make choices against their self-interest - embezzlers, other white collar criminals, etc. do - but this happens rarely and then media blows this up and makes it a common appearance in the public eyes, counterfactually (=counter-statistically). Most psych nurses would not risk their jobs.

You are operating on a very immature, adolescent if I may say so, dichotomy of spirituality and wisdom on one side and science and logic on the other side. Because of the dichotomy and the black-and-white thinking, your mind plays this trick on you in that it creates a "bad camp" and a "good camp" in your mind whereby the physician staff are in the bad camp and you and the romantic guy you spent your past life together with are in the good camp. Have you ever given any thought to the fact that the romantic nurse fulfills the orders of the physician staff and reports his observations to other nurses and probably physician staff too?

It is very hard to believe that being on the psych unit you do not see a psychiatrist daily, even if for a brief period of time. Granted, most of my experience on psych units has been in a teaching hospital, but a couple of times I was in a community or county hospital and although briefly, but I did see a psychiatrist daily.

I did not read your earlier posts but Divine did and saw a pattern in them - with the benefit of what Divine read in the past, I would lean towards exorcising the romantic nurse and attributing the belief that he had asked you out and had made sexual remarks to your imagination and wistful thinking.

I suggest that when you get out of hospital, you read good ole psychoanalytic literature on transference to learn why patients develop romantic feelings towards their psychiatric care providers.

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I have looked up the title of your shaman and via Google Books came to this Amazon title: Aliens and Alienists: Ethnic Minorities and Psychiatry: 9780044453161: Medicine & Health Science Books @ Amazon.com

It has no description or reviews or "look inside the book", though, but I do see that the ethnic minority is African. You wrote that you are European and also 1/4 African - you mean to say that you are 3/4 European and 1/4 African and are trying to get in touch with your African tribal roots? If you are 3/4 European, you grew up without shamanism, so your visions and auditory hallucinations are not part of early childhood indoctrination (for lack of a more neutral word, but what I mean to convey is neutral) - for you personally sacred music coming out of cars is a symptom of psychosis.

You then make the argument that what you see or hear is not bad - there is a school of thought that holds that antipsychotic treatment is not necessary for schizophrenics who do not hear bad voices that tell them to harm themselves or others, and there might very well be truth to it. You might very well be more creative and interesting to be with because of the visions and hallucinations. At the same time, apparently you find yourself in a psych hospital time and again and possibly have some difficulties telling fantasy from reality, so maybe you really should make an earnest attempt to get the best out of modern psychiatry has to offer. While you are still stuck with the belief that psychiatry is logic and science, it is a clinical profession based on observation, intuition, and A WHOLE LOT of trial and error - armed with a lot of patience and in collaboration with a good psychiatrist you might find a way for yourself to get a grip on reality, to stay out of psych units, while preserving your curious, inquisitive, and aesthetically inclined nature.