I suppose that my position is that I draw boundaries about how guests behave in my house. Not just because I've invested a huge amount of energy in maintaining a home, but because I know how far I can stretch myself and no further. I see Dr John drawing boundaries about this forum in the same way, just because there has to be a line to keep the house safe.

Some of my limits are objective - guests have to lock the door - and some are subjective - not based on anything except my personal limits at that point in time.

If I pretend that my subjective limits are hard and fast rules about healthy human behaviour and that people "should" agree with me, then I am controlling other people for my own peace of mind. It's a tyranny, whether or not I am also a survivor. I just try to say: I'm sorry but I'm not a big enough person to tolerate this at this point in time.

There needs to be some open discussion between what are actually rules to promote safety and what is a subjective battle. In certain contexts you win by characterising yourself as a victim, in other contexts you win by owning your power, in other contexts you win by dominating and silencing. Each behaviour works in a different context, and can conceal a different one.

It's not an objective truth that Wishful Thinker isonly an inconsiderate, hurtful person who is dangerous to the community, is it? It might be possible simply to ask him not to "disbelieve" that individual in the future?

It's damaging to represent someone as dangerous to a healing community because in one instance he upset people???

All the question marks because everyone's opinion is valid and their own!