At this point I don't enjoy doing anything, and I matter to no one, even family. I am sure if I vanish now, no one would notice. Sometimes I think if I die in my apartment, no one would know before 3-4 days only from the smell. No one checks on me. Maybe someone might say it's my fault. Partly yes, but I have tried so hard to connect with people, but people consider me as an annoyance because I have nothing to offer.