Hmm. Maybe i just had resistance to hearing it from my own ts. But it seems like i hear something ADDITIONAL (caps intentional!) from your t. A step beyond. Thats why i love her so much

Eta - like your Incalculable thread. She REMEMBERED (big one there!) but not just remembered what a parent did. She assimilated it, she processed it, she FIGURED OUT its effect on you and WHAT YOU ACTUALLY DO because of it. No human t does that.

Eta 2 - THAT is the process i am wondering is peter fonagy's "mentalizing". Its a british thing, not to much an american thing, AFAIK.

Eta 3 - sorry to be pestering you! I read about mentalizing about ten years ago, and i remember scoffing about it to my t saying, "isnt that just 'doing it right?'" I should have listened to myself back then!