So met this new clown today.

He is blah but perfect for not attaching, and not giving a **** about. He asked me right away about my T's name and where he worked etc, I refused all that and said there will be no identifying info and said, in my mind, he wasn't wrong, it's not worth destroying his life. I love him and I appreciated so much of how he was with me. However at one point he said "You could really **** him up and report him" and that scared the **** outta me so I became quiet and now I'm paranoid as hell that he knows him and will report him and everything will be worse, I literally can't live with myself if anything like that happened cuz of me.

Anyway... the only bits I shared was like stuff I said here "We texted often and it was rarely about therapy" I think I said thousands of texts. I said we talked every week outside the session. I mentioned how we hugged every session and how he claimed that I was the first person he told about his new job, he even had clients before me that he didn't tell. I mentioned how he left the career right before Christmas. So now I'm sick over what if he knows him by that alone? What if I ruined the man I love's life? Good lord...

Anyway... it was interesting because in that little bit he seemed to think that T not only thought of me as a friend (In his words, "You were a good friend to him") but he thinks part of why he left and cut off the contact for 2 years, was he had romantic feelings for me and wasn't sure how to manage them. It was interesting because he said something about how "I don't even think there is a law or anything about keeping in contact with a client"

He asked if things ever became sexual. He asked how much experience I had with romantic partners and if this felt like that or a break up, which is always so fun to say I've had none. He asked why that was and if I ever thought I'd change. (i said no, especially not after this ****)

He said that he thinks if we ever saw each other again, it would be like nothing changed. He kept it to 50 min exactly which is fine because after he suggested reporting him, I got quiet and backed off anyway and just wanted to flee. I don't think this guy will work for me, and I'm not sure I can talk to anyone about it, it's too risky with sharing info. He had a opening next Thurs so I took it for now but I'm very much feeling I will cancel by then. I overall regret it and think it was as terrible idea, now I'm filled with paranoia about T getting reported.