I have been psychotic-like symptoms free and dysthimic for around 8 months and now, after what it seems it is a depressive episode, something is going wrong (I was AD free for 6 months since It wasn't working very well and still have some depressive symptoms while on it, I started to take it again 2 weeks ago).

I only moved from my bed to walk my dog (and eat something before since I felt really tired) for a month, I didn't attend any of my examns. Ironically I was sleeping less than 3 hours a day even if I was almost all day in bed, I spent many hours crying. After I restarted the AD I began to move from my bed and I am sleeping at least 4,5 hours a day and up to 7 hours, now I am feeling less "purely" depressed and more agitated/anxious-depressed.

Sometimes when I sleep OK I am able to recognize that my thoughts, feelings and pereceptions are not normal, but it just lasts a while. My insight seems to fluctuate between acting as the perception is real (even if it means to challenge what it shows me) and doubting it is (and ignore it).

-->I feel the day hospital staff think I shouldn't be there because I actually am OK, they think I am a fraud. Right now I am not sure if they truly think I shouldn't be there, but I am almost sure they will think I am a fraud or I am lying. I know this thoughts is considered anormal by most of people, but it could be because they haven't seen people duplicated. I hate when people duplicate and the duplicated alter is evil. It's like a shadow of them.
--> I feel there is something there that wants to kill me and hurt me (maybe a shadow?)
--> The death talk to me and try to convince me to kill myself, but I challenge it since I have a dog and live with two friends I won't leave alone.
--> I feel I am a failure and try hard to avoid other people to notice it.
--> I am having intrusive thoughts.
--> My brain feel foggy and sometimes it's hard to read.
--> Something was wrong with my veins and I needed to extract them but I didn't want to hurt myself.
---> If I think in my mothertongue I feel someone can hear my thoughts (I don't know who), I am forced to think in english (It's not a big deal, but my psychiatrist doesn't speak english)
--> There are things screaming inside my head.
--> There are things insulting me from my own head.
--> I am forcing myself to eat, go to college, have a shower everyday, and play some videogames. I don't enjoy it, but I have to do it to avoid getting worse.

I feel something is deeply wrong, I am afraid I will lose this whole year due to these things happening again.

But my psychiatrist won't believe me! I look normal, I always try to look normal, to do not act on what I think, feel or perceive when there are other people around. I know something bad would happen if I did and I have to hide it. I have no family (I was born in a dysfunctional one and left when I turned 18).

I need some help