I have been with my new T five weeks now and he has been amazing. This week he is not in his office. My husband threw me out Monday and I sent T a message just because I thought T would be mad if he didn’t find out until next week. T was supper supportive and has asked me to keep checking in. Not what I was expecting, I wasn’t even expecting a reply... well with all the aftermath of dealing with work and getting back in the house... my brain decides to have an aha moment and process a whole bunch of stuff that included the base for my greatest fears with T right now. So I sent it. Now I have been sick all day, worked up and neurotic fearing a positive reply, a negative reply or no reply at all... poor T can’t win.
I just want to curl up and hibernate until I see him Monday then cower my way into his office. With the cold weather I have a farm full of animals needing care and obviously some family dynamics going on so help is minimal, hibernation is out of the question. I am unraveling despite using my skills from previous therapists. I NEVER expected to be this needy with T (also never expected my hubby to turn into an insecure jealous nut job when I started with T so....). Now I am getting sick again from the stress. I am at a loss. This would have been SO much easier if he were crappy like my previous T’s or if I could have stayed in crisis (and in survival mode) until he got back.
I feel like I am doing “it” all wrong. Like any minute he is going to call or message and fire me for being a pain. Or call and be supportive and I won’t be able to keep myself together until Monday.