I have to get off the computer and try to get to bed, things are a little crazy here right now (loads of anxiety!)... but I wanted to reply and let you know that I saw this!

re: "Mediator" type - I had to look it up to double check, but I think I may be that type too ("INFP"). I never feel very sure, but it's my best guess right now... so yup, I get it

I think it's really, really hard when you're "different" as a kid... I'm sorry that you went through that. I hate that our childhoods (when we have the least control over our own lives) have such a strong influence over who we become and how we interact with the world.

I don't know if this is true for you too, but I also find that as an adult, I find it really hard to find people that I really, truly "click" with. It's easy enough to find "acquaintances" but so much harder to find people that can develop into great, deep friendships. It makes me sad, and I don't know if my therapist really understands... it's not about "you need to go make more friends", it's about "but how do I find the people that I actually enjoy connecting with, when there are so few of them?"

>>" Because deep inside I still believe I'm strange and abnormal and don't really belong to human species. And it seems even many positive experiences in my current life can't change my core beliefs :-( but whatever... It doesn't matter. "

Lots of hugs... it matters, because you matter! And, what if being "strange" IS part of being human? What if all the weirdness, in some weird way, actually just proves that you really are part of the human species?

I don't want to belabor the point... but I think you sound lovely! Thoughtful, intelligent, and definitely interesting. And, definitely human!