Just curious. I know that different mood states cause different symptoms. Im just wondering how much of the way we react is something we can control or not.

For example... when Im psychotic. I AM still me. Im still there. But so are hallucinations and delusions. I feel like I have to fight them to just- be present- even in bits and pieces, and usually can only do it for so long. I have some sense of control in between other larger feelings of terror and confusion. So it IS there- some ability to control myself in those moments. But I have to take precautions so that I dont act out some of the things the delusions and hallucinations tell me to do. Like. I stay busy with things that cant harm anyone, write my thoughts out, and give myself rules to follow to stay safe (like no self harm and no suicide attempts no matter how bad I feel). Its really hard but I think I have some sort of control- I can still choose to do this activity or do THAT activity- even if my performance in those activities isnt as good as it would be without and even if its a million times harder.

I have some level of control. And then I have some strategies I use to compensate for the things I cant control.

Depression is similar. I get thoughts to hurt myself. Sometimes I get hallucinations or delusions suggesting similar. Sometimes it gets so bad that its hard to be able to take any sort of step back and say that- hey- Im sick. This stuff isnt true. Its just part of my illness. Life isnt hopeless.

Mania. Mania I dont even want to control myself so I just make very poir decisions. Good thing mania doesnt happen often with me. But when it does it is such a relief that I feel that I have to get the most out of it- even if I pay for it later.

Anyways. I guess part of the question is- which states are hardest for you to control? How bad do things have to get before you feel totally out of control? What does control mean for you? Is it easier with medications? What strategies do you use to help get more of a feeling of control?

Also sorry if Im starting too many threads. I get excited sometimes at new things and can come on a little strongly because of that. This is in absolutely no way to shame anyone. I hate hate hate the suggestion that “mental illness is just something weak people have because they cant control themselves better”: i think thats so awful and belittling to the amount of pain these diseases can cause.