This is an interesting question, Under*Over. Thanks for asking it!

I think my ability to take some control during episodes has definitely improved over the years. Before my diagnosis, I had very little insight into my hypomanias, manias, and mixed episodes (especially ones more leaning manic). I had almost no "healthy" coping skills for anxiety and depression. Instead, I self-medicated with alcohol a lot. I did know to sometimes "step away" when my moods or anxiety peaked. I also used exercise (predominantly dancing) at times. But they can sometimes be good and sometimes be bad. It depended.

Very often in the past, I believed that much of my behavior when hypomanic or manic was fully justified, as dysfunctional and impulsive as it got. Usually it was not. Hypomanic/manic irritability was a prime example of this. And it would have seemed almost ridiculous to my manic mind not to do some irrational or extreme things.

On the former, you wrote that when you're manic you "don't want to control yourself". I can sure relate to that! In fact, that still happens to me, despite my increased insight. But I do have more moments of "BirdDancer, you're maybe acting a little out of control!" And, my husband helps with cluing me in faster, too.

I guess when psychotic, I lack insight most. Unlike some people, I don't usually ask "Am I psychotic?" Only "Was I psychotic?" when it's fully over. But the last time I was severely manic with psychosis, I had a millli drop of control. I was coming back with my husband from Portugal. My behavior was extreme. I began to think that while in London Heathrow airport that a woman poisoned my pen with anthrax. I had shoved it in my bag, and then the paranoid delusion began. Then I ran to the bathroom and washed my hands about 10 times. I was practically screaming about it to my husband and he was demanding I stop that thought. He had forced me to take Seroquel "prn" about 15 mins before this anthrax "scare" when I was almost screaming about some hallucinations and people were staring at me. We were almost late for our flight home. Then at one point, TSA type officers asked me if anyone gave me anything. I almost said that I was given anthrax, but instead I said "No." That was major control on my part. I wanted to go home, BAD! And then on the plane I was relatively calm. Maybe the Seroquel helped. But my poor husband started to bawl. I was with it enough to sort of feel bad. But when we reached the US port of entry airport I went bat s**t again. At home (in my house) I calmed a little and allowed my husband to call my psychiatrist. I had an emergency appointment the next day, but was ordered to take even more Seroquel that night, which I did. Luckily an extra 150 mg was helpful on top of my usual meds and Seroquel XR dose.

If I had told those TSA officers I had anthrax in my bag, given to me by a woman, it would have been horrible!!!!!