I have suicidal thoughts almost all of the time. I take meds and recently have started my ECT again which should help.

My problem is that now I am worried that everyone thinks like me. So I can't be honest with my pdoc or therapist because I am afraid they will become suicidal because of me. I am afraid my husband is suicidal and become very anxious if he is not home. If my kids (all older) don't answer their phones I'm afraid they have done something that I think about.

So besides my constant suicidal thoughts, I live in a constant state of panic because of my thoughts and the thoughts of everyone else too.

Has anybody else been through this? What helped?