Hello Makayla: I see you now have 5 posts to your credit here on PC. But hopefully it's still not too late for me to say welcome to Psych Central! I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Hopefully coming here to PC is of some comfort & support to you.

You mentioned you took a year off from college. But you're thinking this may have been a mistake since your family is not supportive. I do think that being at home all the time can be difficult under the best of circumstances. And then, if your family is not supportive, that just makes it all that much more challenging.

Getting a job may be a good option. I don't know what the minimum wage is where you live. However holding out for a 40 hour a week job that pays $15.00 per hour may be a stretch if you have no significant work experience. From my perspective, I think it's fine to start out with that as a goal. But if something doesn't materialize within a reasonable period of time, you may want to consider lowering you expectations. The longer you are at home, the more difficult it may become to get back out there.

Both in this post, as well as in your introductory post, you mentioned feeling as though you'd be better off dead & being highly suicidal. I don't know if you see a therapist or are on any kind of psych med's. But given how you're feeling you really do need to reach out, in real life, for help. And since your family is not supportive, I think it's probably necessary to seek the support of mental health professionals. I've been where you are more than once. So I believe I have some idea of what you're feeling. The only difference is I'm an old person. At 23 you're much too young to give up hope yet.

Here are links to 5 articles, from PC's archives, that talk about suicidal thoughts & how to handle them. The first 2 are by DocJohn. The last link is to PC's suicide screening quiz:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

When Suicide Summons

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

Suicide Screening Quiz

Please take care...