Here I am once again turning anything that could potentially go well in my life to utter destruction...

Planning on telling my T tomorrow that I’m using therapy as a coping strategy. That outside of therapy, our discussions are all I think about. I have always enjoyed analysing, linking and thinking deep about things, which therapy triggers so hard. But this is the best it’s ever been because there’s a real purpose for it I guess - I get to share my insights with someone who gets them and appreciates them, which is only making this process more enjoyable and addictive.

Problem is that it is simply replacing negative thoughts rather than learning to manage/deal with them. Problems that would affect me on an intense level are currently not doing so as much because I just go off and think about our discussions during therapy and what I’ve discovered new through my deep analysing to share with T (which she happens to love hearing). I know that one of the reasons I feel this way is because I’m finally sharing years of thoughts with someone who gets it, however, I am also aware that this isn’t the healthy therapeutic process. I’m not making as much effort at/with work (not great for a teacher who struggles with perfectionism) and just rush through things just so I have enough time to think. I can’t wait for the next session so I can leave with new fresh ideas to think of.

If I quit therapy, I will be at a worse place than I was before I had started because there won’t be a real purpose for those thoughts anymore. Just thinking about going back to life without therapy is overwhelming. I’ll be devastated, yet I continue to use therapy thoughts to help me get through every day. This has been my coping strategy pattern for over a decade. Temporary relief even if it means things get worse once it’s over. I’ll end it by apologising to her at the end.

Reckon this would make sense to her? Should I explain it differently? How may she respond? How may she help?