Quote:
Originally Posted by Background Noise
As you can see, I have a package of issues to deal with. First, I need to process my emotions regarding past abuse and know how to deal with my father's criticism, second, I need to learn how to connect with people and manage my anxiety so that I won't be be alone all the time and make personal relationships, and third I need to find a job to survive and to do some meaningful. I am trying to tackle them all at the same time, which makes it difficult.
For example, I feel down most of the time because I am alone, but sometimes I feel positive, so I start preparing applications and apply for jobs, only to receive rejection letters telling me basically that other applicants are better than me, which brings me down again, and re-enforces my social isolation because I feel like a failure.
Finding a job is crucial for me to feel confident again, because I need to feel independent and contributing, but to find a job I need to be confident on how I write my resume and talk and present myself when interviewed. It's like a cycle with no beginning and no end.
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I understand what you are going through, and I see how difficult it is to still be dealing with people who claim to be your loved ones but aren't afraid to ditch you. Feel free to talk on this thread as long as you would like to, especially if it helps build your confidence.
There is no room in your life for that kind of criticism. If it is safe to assert your boundaries with your father, that is the perfect place to start with asserting yourself to the front. I don't know exactly how reporting abuse works, but if its still possible to report a childhood of abuse, or if things get physical, you have every right to report to the authorities also.
Relationships, as is the case with both of us, is no easy feat. I'm not big into advice for "social skills", because it sounds like something that only the elite can possess, doesn't it? What I have discovered in life is that the process of friendships is a gradual process, so give yourself time to become more comfortable with yourself and not force yourself to be someone else because everybody else is social, chatty, and so on.
I can relate to your situation with difficulty finding jobs, because it's taking me several tries and even my best friends 2 years out of college just now have been able to get stable jobs. You are also not alone in this struggle! And it's also important to know that just because you say/think/feel something negative, it doesn't mean its true. What is true is that everyone has strengths and talents that can be useful. You are no exception. Even though you don't feel like it, this is a given. Even if you don't have that job yet, it's ok! It's ok not to have everything together yet.