I just felt like posting because i feel i need some support/comfort. T called me sunday night and said she needed to reschedule both sessions this week. we picked tues and thurs night at 8:00. (i kinda like seeing her late, when its dark. and also night is when i miss her the most) anyway, i was really looking forward to seeing her tonight. i was in a generally good mood walking in because i was happy to be in her presence. She actually was later coming out then she ever was. over 10 minutes. thats a lot for her, usually its like 5ish minutes late. anyway i didnt mind too much because i knew i was her last client of the day and if i needed she would keep our session going until a smooth time came to end it. (instead of like kicking me out because someone is waiting.)

When i left an hour later. actuallly less than an hour later. she kept me for about 50 mins MAX. usually its an hour to and hr and 15 mins. i knew she was ending because she said. "so are you ok?" i knodded, and just stared at her. then she said, "are you thinking about anything else?" i put my head down and said no. she said see you thursday and i got up and she walked me out. now that i think about it, we didnt even hug! i can't believe i didn't realize that sooner. omg! she must think im mad at her or something, we hug after every session. I think its because the session was so BORING. we were not connected at all. i could have had the same conversation i had tonight with her to a wall. i can't believe i didnt even think about it at the time to get a hug. I really must have felt so apart from her. it was nothing special. no therapy high, no connection, just a flat, dull, boring conversation. oh now i miss that hug, i want to drive to her house and get it. sorry for rambling. i just needed to process that. but now i feel even worse...