Every day this week I have hurt myself to avoid ending myself. I get yelled at because of it or rather because it is scaring my daughter and she is upset that I am treating her poorly when I don't say much of anything. She said "dad, what is wrong? You are scaring me. I am leaving to go to a friends party, go to bed".

Every single person who has told me they loved me, really doesn't seem to care at all. I think I am an honest person which is why I say the things I say about me, even though I get yelled at here for it. It is clearly true because I am being told how worthless I am through words of others or in some cases, silence or laughter.

Not that I am some poor victim. I have been a terrible friend to someone here this week and I am very sorry about that. I will make more effort to be a better friend for as long as I can. More proof that I deserve everything coming to me.

Don't worry about responding, I am just venting to help me get past my grand daughters birthday and wait for some documentation from the Army so I can complete my application for some veterans benefits. I am just trying to not be a burden on anyone, I know that is stupid but it is a habit I guess.