I am currently working. I mean, I’m not at work right now, but I do currently work full time. The problem is, ever since this episode has started a few weeks ago, I am petrified of work. I obsess over it. I can’t imagine going to work even one day yet I have been going every day (except the two times lately when my pdoc or t has told me not to). My pdoc has asked if I need a leave of absence and since I work for a public school that is a possibility but I only want that as a VERY last resort. I feel like I couldn’t do that to my teacher and other assistant. I work with special needs kiddos and they are rewarding but stressful. Trust me when I say it takes all 3 of us (for a couple of days is one thing but for weeks or more is entirely different). They never have subs for assistants either, only for teachers. I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped and I feel like I can’t do it at all. I don’t know how I’ll go back on Monday. And, my t doesn’t even know if I should and my pdoc thinks I shouldn’t if it will cause too much stress. The thing is, I really do love my job and I don’t want to lose it. I am just scared of it. So much so that I can’t see myself doing it ever again. Not even once. Help me here! What should I do? How can I get past this mental block? Is this only a mental block? I can tell you that I know some of it has to do with panic and mania at work. My teacher and assistant understand I have bipolar and don’t mind me taking breaks and such but no one else does. Can I do this job and suffer from severe mental illness? This is the first time I have worked during an episode. I lost my last job 2 years ago because I was in the middle of an episode and started acting like a lunatic at work. What if that were to happen again? I definitely wouldn’t be able to become a teacher which is my intended profession.