I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, OliverB I agree with Monticello that writing a letter to your Pdoc is a great idea! Please seek professional help. It's clear that you're struggling a lot right now. Just remember that you're NOT stupid nor worthless. You're a wonderful person who's trying his best to survive and get help. There's absolutely nothing wrong in taking care of yourself first. After all, how can you focus on your studies if you're not feeling well? Please don't feel guilty about it. It's not your fault if you're feeling like this. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. Remember that you're a valuable person. I hope you'll feel better soon. Try to hang on. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. We'll listen to what you have to say and won't judge you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here for you as well if you need it. I'm Italian as well, BTW! Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you