I was very mad this morning at myself and felt like crap. So I decided to counter all the ED thoughts. I have been somewhat passive about recovering because there's a small part of me that still wants to get to that "perfect weight". So anything negative that came into my mind I said something to counter it and positive things. I've dealt with this for half my life. since 12, I'm 24. The thoughts have been there since 12 because even though I wasn't overweight at all a family member, my brother, called me all kinds of names and told me I was disgusting and fat,..etc constantly for months and I started hating myself and believing I was. He wasn't joking, and it wasn't like he was a kid and didn't know better, he was like 20 years old then.

I'm not blaming it on him, he didn't "cause" the eating disorder but it definitely didn't help and I started calling myself those things ever since then, for the past 12 years, it's just so ingrained and I have to stop it.