Ive been IP for nearly two days and can barely type as I am so drugged. Yet still I am unbelievaoly terrified. I am scared of being here and still don't trust the staff. I am close to running away because of this. The panic is immense despite the drugs and the nurses seem tired of me already. My pdoc has barely seen me since I got here. Only twp minuses since I got here and that was in front of my mother so I couldn't be honest. He is supposed to come in at midday to have a proper talk with me. If he doesnt do that I am out of here. I have no friends supporting me. My parents are great but I don't want to scare them, even though running away would.

How can feel so damn terrified when med to the gills? I just cannot stand living anymore. I want to be well but that seems too far away, if not impossible. I don't know what writing this down to you all helps but here I am.