I have had TRD, TR OCD and other clinical chronic issues for decades. Adderall is the only adjunct that actually dents my omnipresent anhedonia. I don't give a flying **** if I'm "addicted" or heading for a nasty fall. I would be dead several times over already without it so therefore I take it. I literally couldn't care less what words of warning anyone has.

As to the OP's point, yes, 90% of my PDocs have tried to get me off it so that they can retry all the same ineffective meds I've already failed on. They all have their own favourites or angle as to what will fix me. Zero have succeeded. Nor ECT, dTMS or Ketamine.

So, after 23 years of crushing suffering it's still only Adderall that makes any kind of impact on my TRD. Nardil + Adderall was divine (I wanted to do things) but my PDoc got cold feet and stopped prescribing the combo. To this day it fills me with bitter anger that there's a solution out there to my eternal suffering that I simply am not allowed to have.

My 2d that if your only other option is Suicide, take the ****ing Adderall for ****'s sake.