Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017
LT
I really HOPE you remember all this. I know it's hard but try not to panic about things with him so much. He's been very patient with you and he's not the kind of T to not say something if it's bothering him.
It was interesting to me that he said he hadn't had a talk about boundaries like that before, my T said the exact same when I used to ask about texting boundaries.
I am surprised he considered himself always on call. Kinda sad, it comes off as work is more important than family, or that he can't separate his personal and professional life. I don't know anyone who would be on call for their job that much
Why would you think there is a rule about happy birthday wishes? I've never heard such a thing. Mine said it to me. Many others have talked about it here. Not any different than saying Merry Christmas. I'm glad you asked him how to help you stop seeing him as an authority figure, working on changing that mindset will really help you. I think you will feel such a sense of relief.
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Thanks, DP. I'm trying to keep all of what he said in my head. And he's been true to his word in telling me if something bothers him, even if it's just a little bit. So I need to trust that he will. And realize that even if I'm bothering him, he's not going to kick me out.
That's interesting that your T hadn't had a boundaries talk either. In a way, it makes more sense with your T because he hadn't been practicing that long. Mine has been for over 15 years, so you'd think it would have come up at some point. Though it could be he's sort of revised his policy over that time (as part of it was with another practice, he's been solo for I think 9 years). And maybe most clients either didn't email much or just accepted any charges without questioning it.
I was actually surprised at his on-call comment, too, because I thought ex-MC was like that (for him, more like 24 hours, because he answered the phone in the middle of the night once, while my T has said he doesn't do that). But it feels like T has more boundaries set, like the reason he wants clients to only text about scheduling is that he always has his phone with him, so if one were to text about something else, it could interrupt family or other time. While his email, he chooses when to check that, so it's not, as he'd say, "intrusive." (He said texting about scheduling, he can just reply without having to think about it, as compared to a client texting him about an issue they're having.) Same with calls, he generally would only do them if scheduled, but said he can talk briefly in a crisis (if not in middle of night).
I guess the birthday thing, it would just be like I'd mention the next day was my birthday to ex-T or actually last year to current T (I'm going to a concert tomorrow on my birthday), and to me, a friend or coworker would just be like "Oh, happy birthday!" While it seemed like they just wouldn't say it. So I think I figured maybe there was some sort of thing about it, but maybe it's just them...though turns out I guess it's not a thing for current T anyway. Maybe ex-T was just weird...