My T dropped the DID thing with me and said it did not matter as sessions would still be the same. He also said what did he know as he was not a physiatrist. I am also glad he stopped the stupid part integration as that was frustrating. I have plenty of what seems to called here "chatter" in my head and I actually argue with parts in my head and have full conversations out loud that would make me look crazy in public if anyone saw it. Then there is the forgetting everything part of this. I forget a lot of what I write on here in posts and when I read a post I thin is great and agree with I see it is written by me and I have no memory of writing it. I can not remember things said in session especially when I have an "episode" of I do not really understand but it is apparently called freeze/dissociation. Whatever..... I see all my moods as separate parts as they all have different views even political views, what foods they like to eat, how they see themselves (some think they are very fat and some thing they look hot). I love when I have the part that comes out and gets stuff done! My ex-T who did IFS would just call it a manager part.

I really wished that I would be either actually diagnosed with it or not diagnosed with it. Then I would not feel so bat **** crazy. I would feel like I had closure on what the hell is wrong with me.

Anyway after years of all kinds of therapy my parts are not so fragmented anymore and or extreme. My inner world is calmer for longer periods of time or my T says my best adult self is in the drivers seat more. I can say this though....I still hate life, I hate living and I am just depressed almost all the time and I feel like I fight for a clear uplifting feeling in my body. I still have sleep issues....like right now I am wide awake and should be sleeping.

I also live in Virginia.