Yeah the guilt is sobering..for a short while. I would tell myself “Okay that’s enough...” and before I knew it I would be back out looking. It was awful.

Now I feel caged. My beau is giving me excuses to put off anything remotely intimate. I feel so undesirable. And it makes me think about how easily I could find something before. I guess I should be thankful I am in something committed because it is keeping me away from that scene (which is so dangerous!) but it is also making me feel incredibly frustrated.

Of course this issue is compounded when I am in lows of depression and don’t want to even be touched.

At least I know it isn’t just me. But darned if I can’t snap myself out of it when I’m in this rut. It’s like all I think about when we’re together. And the more he tells me no, not now, I’m tired, give it a few days, etc. the more I obsess over it.