Dear Dr X
I trust you. I think what you did was right. I'm very very very angry at you for doing it so suddenly and completely and I'm also ****ing well pissed off at you cause I know you're right in this too. There was no other way of doing it effectively. Or if there was this is like pulling off the bandaid. I hate you for doing it though. Hate you for being right.

I was getting emeshed with you. I was looking to you to save me, me as an adult, from all the crappy life things. To make these easier. To be my special friend, my mentor. To love me and keep me safe in a bubble where I did nothing reciprocal. And when looking for you to save me I was doing increasingly malfunctional behaviours and they had to stop.

But Christ it's difficult. I hate you. I love you. I want to heal from this. I know I'll heal stronger and I thank you for that. But ****, the treatment is more difficult than the illness. Or well maybe not really but the treatment is ****ing difficult.

I'm glad I told you how I feel. It was never a romantic or erotic love. It may have come out wrong. I don't believe my love and gratitude was wrong. I'm glad I was authentic and told you. I'm ****ing pissed off about the consequences. Was there not another way? I don't know. Even if there was you choose this way. You are flawed. I am flawed. You crossed boundaries but with good intent and good results. I cleaved to you when in need and you let me, taught me to grow. I'm grateful for that. But **** I'm sad you're gone. I miss you. I grieve for the loss of you. You kept me safe. Show me how to survive your loss.

Love,
me.