Quote:
Originally Posted by cashart10
Yes. When I was young, I slept around. A lot. And cheated on people. I was pretty terrible in that department. But, that changed when I met my husband 15 years ago. The first month I was dating my husband, I was also dating a woman but I think that was more of a crossroads decision than anything else. Even though it was still early in our relationship, it hurt my husband quite a bit when I told him about it. He forgave me though and now it’s inconsequential because nothing like that has/will ever happen again.
These days, when I am manic and therefore hyper-sexual, I (tmi I know) masturbate. I am embarrassed by it so I don’t approach my husband. I think it has to do with shame from a childhood trauma. He really has no idea and would probably be elated if I did come onto him often instead of the other way around.
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I’m glad you were able to find some stability with your husband partner wise. I really am thankful it has taken me off the path of random hookups. I used to be shy about it. Not say anything. But I’d be so dang irritable and the poor man wouldn’t know why. At least now I have become comfortable to open up with whom ever I’m with but of course when they give me “pity sex” it’s not as gratifying.
For me it’s the being wanted part. The intimacy. That’s the motivation for me. The satisfaction. And maybe tmi but for me it’s not even about me, it’s about them being satisfied. That is honestly what I’m looking to achieve. And so going solo or getting pitied seems to only amplify issues!
Quite the pickle I find myself in during this manic sets. But at least I know I’m not alone. For the longest time I just got labeled some nasty names for women. But I’ve come to accept this part of myself, or am trying to more and more.