You are having a rough day. Yes you deserve life and happiness. I think you miss your kids terribly. What heartbreak... A good lawyer is a must. I didn't have that and lost so much.
I miss my marriage and husband though why as he threw me away for someone else. It is a greater challenge to go through divorce with mental health issues. I take it day by day. And as time goes by the hurt lessens. Maybe day by day you can breathe and take one task at a time for visitation/custody. Here's a hug.