I'm so sorry you're going through such fears and depending on professionals you don't trust.

You didn't say much about it, but I was struck by what your T said about your fears stemming from childhood, and as an adult when you really were persecuted (If I understood it right). Do you think you might be suffering from PTSD along with Bipolar and because the PTSD hasn't been addressed (I think), your Bipolar, or your overall mental health, has been so intractable?