My bipolar disorder has not affected my memory significantly as a long-term or permanent issue. No. I will say that some (not all) bipolar episodes and/or anxiety can make me more "in my head" or distractible at times, which does cause me either not to hear things being said (or other sounds) or makes other bits of information be stored in my working memory better than others.

When I have been severely manic, especially with psychosis, I can experience what is often called "manic blackouts". I believe I've mostly had such blackouts when manic with mixed features. I'm not an expert enough to know exactly why I had them, but it is my understanding that either trauma or being overwhelmed mentally is part of it. The same cause is known to bring about "blackouts" in other traumas. There is also dissociative amnesia.

Generally, I'm a little forgetful, but not enough that I'd complain a lot about it right now. I have had periods when I did complain more, but they have long since past. Some medications did affect me cognitively either short-term or longer term. I remember complaining about cognitive issues on higher doses of Lamictal, though I don't on my lower dose of 100 mg. When I was on higher doses of Lamictal (like 300 mg) I began to experience hypomania and eventually mania. How much of the cognitive impairment was bipolar-related? How much medication-related? Who knows! I remember that on that dose, with Abilify, I had some very productive months. Then it went south. I was becoming manic with anxious features. I recall being at work and not being able to concentrate on anything. That worsened my anxiety. I eventually couldn't work anymore.

Anxiety does affect my productivity, a lot. I'm not always anxious. Triggers (stress) make me so.

I remember a period when I tried to take a college class and could not remember anything I read. I'd read the passage, and if you asked me what I read I'd be clueless. But that definitely changed. Now I have a great memory, so obviously my bipolar disorder does not permanently affect it. Stability and decreased anxiety, surely play a part. My medication and use of therapeutic skills do.

I'm a believer that the brain does "heal" to certain degrees. I don't mean that my bipolar disorder is cured. I just mean that the cloud has cleared and whatever stuff was happening upstairs is less apt to happen. It's sort of like when you've been exercising long enough to not get sore after jogging six miles. But when you're ill and recovering, jogging that far is either not possible or is very painful. Training eventually makes the longer distance possible again. Or another analogy? When you've lost weight and improved your diet enough that your metabolism is increased. Eventually with a poorer diet and exercise it could decrease again.

The worst memory problems I ever had were during and just after my ECT nine years ago. That's well known. These issues obviously resolved themselves.


I have an outstanding long-term memory. Outstanding! No, I still don't remember what happened during some of my ECT period or manic blackouts, but why would I even want to.