What you're saying is completely understood, Abby. I've gotten myself in these positions before and have slowly learned from them. Absolutely no offense taken.

Can't say as I ever felt that I wanted to "fix" her. People change when they see a need to, not when you want them to. When I offered suggestions or advise, I left it up to her completely. She doesn't listen to anyone until she's chin deep in trouble and sometimes, not even then.

In watching her and her daughter interact, it was obvious that their family dynamics was that of manipulation and guilt throwing. I saw those two do it to each other constantly. That's when I started backing off and told Dee, the old lady, that I could no longer come by or stop while her daughter was visiting.

Dee was told on several occasions that things she was saying and doing were bothering me but she didn't listen long enough to acknowledge what I had said... many, many times, much less say "thank you" when I'd take over something for her to eat or give her a gift.

But she did have the nerve to tell me how she wanted me to wear my hair and she expected me to do it. She wanted me to start putting my hair in braids and putting them on top of my head like a crown! That is a hairdo that went out of style over 100 yrs ago! Oh, and I had to give myself a perm or curl my hair in such a way that it would make waves when combed back! She told me that wearing my hair loose wasn't becoming to any woman! Excuse me? This really made me uncomfortable for many reasons. One of which is, it's MY hair. Another, I'm an ex beautician and a very good one at that. I know how to care of my hair and I do it very well, thank you. LOL I know it seems petty, but she started asking me when I was going to put my hair up in braids even after I told her that she wouldn't catch me dead wearing my hair like that. THAT was a trigger in itself because my perp used to have me put her hair up in that fashion. My withdrawal from her didn't come suddenly. It's been coming slowly but surely for the last 9 months or so. You're probably right, though. She feels like it was all of a sudden but because she didn't watch and listen.

You and Kathy can "take care" of her if you wish. Not me! Nooooo...