Following last session, my mood/emotional state has been going downhill and back to square 1. I think it may have something to do with T making me become aware of my defences and considering dropping them slightly in order to think about how I can move forward. I have been trying to these past few days because I know I must, otherwise I’ll get no where, but it’s been overwhelmingly difficult and painful. I’m worried if I tell her this week that dropping these defences has been really painful and begin to talk about my real feelings, I may get really emotional.

I do understand it’s ok to, but the image I’ve created of myself to her and as I do with others will make this emotional side of me an uncomfortable moment. I let loose completely on my own at night, the most vulnerable I can be, always, and so for that to happen outside of my bedroom and with someone else present right in front of me scares me. My T seeing my vulnerability on that level is uncomfortable, and that is in no way about her as a therapist. She’s amazing. May help to mention that T and I are both aware I find it hard to openly and honestly share my feelings due to lack of experience of doing so. But I know she needs to see some form of it in order to provide the support I really desperately need right now.

How have you dealt with this? When was the first time you got emotional during a session? How was that dealt with? What were your thoughts and feelings after? (if I’m discussing something and feel myself getting emotional, I can imagine I would say ‘f***’, following ‘I can’t do this’! and then maybe try to laugh it off)

If you also want to answer this, please do so as it somewhat relates:

How do you behave in therapy? What’s your personality like? Really chatty? Moody? Quiet? If that makes sense.