Tough day today. Hard to describe. I feel depressed but more like a numb depression than anything. I feel utterly mentally exhausted, like I was swimming with weights on today. Treading water with weights around my neck, as LTJ would say. I don’t know. I guess it could be from being physically ill for so long. My ears have not improved even with taking the decongestant so that could be getting me down. I don’t know. All I know is I can’t taje any time off work so I better get my *** up in the morning and get there.

I just want to not be me for awhile. I don’t want to die, I just want to be normal and not have these spells of low mood. Of course this is only a couple of days and I could wake up tomorrow and he fine but I’m just getting tired of it. I just want to be well for real. Forever. I don’t want to struggle with this **** anymore.