Damn, they would ruin my fun, and my escape. A nurse just notice my very obvious change in mood. They are upping their observations of me. She asked me about my thoughts. I told her racing and weird. Kinda true. If I see my pdoc today I guess I will tell him the whole truth. I am pissed at him for not showing yesterday so I will see how far I get. Maybe mixed is the answer. Just usually I am very low with severe agitation, racing thoughts and energy. This is different. Perhaps more of a manic mixed state. The suicidal bit confuses me though.