Hi, I need help - advice - support. It is going to be a very long post, so If you are bored enough to read it, here is my story: So 6 months ago I met this AMAZING guy. It was online, took him 3 weeks to talk me into meeting him in the real life. Our fairy tale started. Everything was perfect, he was perfect, we were drunk in love. He is this type of a guy with a great job, a lot of hobbies, doing a lot of sports, having a lot of adventures and I wide cycle of friends. Pretty impressive, huh? He was telling me he has never been that crazy about anyone and showing it, too. I thought I won the lottery.

But then one night we had this discussion about what went wrong in the past relationships. I said that if we were to talk about them, we should only hint on what went wrong to be able to do it better this time. I said I felt some of my important needs were not met and I tried to fix it, talk about it, but my ex-partners thought I would stay in this status quo, so at some point I was getting tired, realizing they will never fulfill me and leaving. His turn shocked me. He said each of his relationships finished the same. Every time it was getting too monotonous, living together, staying together all the time, he felt trapped and had the need to escape. But of course assured me that there was something wrong with each of these girls and with me he is sure it will be different... It has planted doubts in my head but I left it enjoying the butterflies and so on. I wanted to believe him.

Next time he went back home, he told his sister he is scared, the relationship with his mother is sick and he is afraid he cannot overcome his anxiety. The relationship anxiety to be exact - this he did not say, but I know it now. He was even crying while having this discussion with his sister. Then we started talking about ex's again. Maybe he tried to warn me. One of them was living with him. She thought something was off, so she hacked his e-mail while he was asleep. She found out he signed the contracts to leave for another country and he did not tell her. The next one (he jumped from one relationship to another) after a year of waiting for him, was told by him that he realized they are not good for each other and he is not coming back. She hacked his Facebook and found nudes of some bar girl... At this point I was in a state of deep shock. But again he assured me he could not do that to me, he could not do that to a person he loves so much. Well, you want to believe, don't you? When at this point you are madly in love. But then you start thinking: but he loved them, too! and he did that. Anyway, I did everything I could to get past it somehow. It gave me a lot of anxiety but I decided to leave this topic, because I thought If i keep coming back to it, it will destroy us. But the damage was done.

At some point he started getting more distant, picking on my vulnerabilities, calling me needy and clingy. Believe me - I am needy, I had a terrible abusive father which left scars on my soul, but I am undergoing a psychotherapy to deal with it. I work on it, and I am doing well with giving him all the space he needs etc. We see each other maybe twice a week. We do not talk as much during the day, I do not initiate much contact etc. I am always ok when he wants to go to a party, holiday without me etc. You would think that would make him happy? Not making the mistakes all the other girls did? He thought so too but it does not. So I kept feeling something was very off, he was moody, would not say what was wrong, but he was making me believe I was paranoid and with my paranoia I am ruining us. At some point I believed him. I decided to chill, go back to feeling safe, enjoying us etc. So last weeks I start finally feeling better. He tells me he works a lot (he does, up to 14 hours a day), he says he needs to cave a bit. I say: sure. Let me know, when u wanna leave your cave or if you need me.

He comes to my place for the night after a week. I want to talk about some stuff. He is non-responsive, distant. I write him that it was hurtful. He takes all day to respond. I go on msng, he he is typing and typing, and deleting and typing. My heart at this point is racing. He tells me he is scared of moving in, it is all so lovely but he has this fear and is stuck and these bad feelings are coming to the surface... He tells me we have so much in common and our dates are so amazing (they are, we did so many cool things together) but he is overwhelmed by fear.

So here I am - where all his other girlfriends were - confused, crushed, with a lower self-esteem. I told him at this point that I do not see any other way but a psychotherapy for him. He says he loves about me the most that I am so strong, I always know what to say and I am doing everything right in this relationship and that it is his turn to show me what he is ready to do for us. I was just hiding from him all the pain and confusion. I give him (again) the numbers to the therapists which I got for him. He wrote me yesterday he will call them today and that he is thinking about me. I read this book about commitment phobia "Men who can't love". I understand this claustrophobic feeling in him, I see now very well his pattern and all the red flags which I insisted on ignoring. Do you think there is hope for such a guy? If he undergoes therapy? I refuse to talk with him now, I am too hurt. I am scared. I am angry he made me believe I was going crazy when I was right.