Oh, ***k! I gave in and told my nurse my detailed, imminent plans. She called my pdoc, who will arrive in 1 hour and 15 minutes. He advised her to give me large amounts of meds(for my constution) and to watch me every 5-10 minutes until gets here. I spoke because I want to live, yet I am angry I spoke because I want to die. Before today I made these plans but was too depressed to go ahead. Today I switched and have plenty of energy to complete it.

PLease don't worry if I don't reply. I will probably be safely passed out.