Greetings,

I have been working with my T for 15 months. It has been a struggle most of the time. I had a lot of difficulty just talking. I am able to do so better now. But the therapy has been a whole lot about "us" i.e misunderstandings/fears of judgements, whether he likes more or not. Frankly it has been ridiculous in a lot of ways that I have spent that much time wrapped up that in all that stuff that frankly doesn't really matter. . We havn't done a lot of "connecting" either. There have been a few times where it felt really usueful/gratifying etc. For the most part, again, it's just been a struggle. I find more and more I don't want to share my emotions/feelings because,'why bother?' I just had a few situations that were disconcerting. He listened, gave a few suggestions, but that's about it. I left and felt disappointed. I had shared some things and I know he listened. But I didn't feel emotionally supported.

I know he has been helpful in ways. I can see some value in the time. I have learned a few things and had the opportunity to talk about some things that I have needed to. I know he could be a great counselor for some people. I am just tired of the feeling that we don't connect. I still have the fear about judgement (which I have problems with that anyway) He evan has acknowledge he is not very good at validating/being emotionally supportive. yet that seems to be what I need. I have thought of quitting many, many times, yet I keep hanging in there. Maybe it's me, it's my fears etc. yes, it is, but I don't think it is all me. It's just hard to let go, cause I don't know what's on that other side. I am going to do a session with a new T. I am scared though that I will have all the same problems with this guy. But I think,"''''ok, might have the same problems, but maybe he has different strategies/techniques to deal with it". Don't know. I am doing this next step. I havn't "fired"' my other T yet. But I'm getting there. It's sad, I know he is a great guy in some ways. I guess just not for me?? Little ambivalence there.

Anyway, long post. Don't kow if anyone else has been there. It's just what it is. Thanks for reading if you have. Hope you all have a good day.