I'd be just as torn. Whichever way you go is fine. I think I might want to try to wait until after surgery and see how things go. It is completely possible that some of the intensity of what is going on for you is being ramped up or magnified simply because of you having surgery and Spike was your safety net. You might find some of this intensity easing after your surgery. At the same time, sharing with either of these T's prior to surgery might be good for a number of reasons.

I know, not much help. I guess I see reasons for both ways and only your gut will be able to tell you in the moment which way you'll feel most comfortable or compelled to act.