Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
Maybe this question is irrelevant or doesn't make sense, but I'm struggling to understand the issue. Are you having trouble being open about what is going on with you, as in the words to express your experience ("content") or having trouble connecting the emotions that ride along with your experience? Are you feeling in therapy but stopping yourself or finding your feelings "blocked" in therapy, so it's about the emotions rather than the content?
I ask, and maybe it's only something unique to me. But for me, getting to the place where I could get the words in place and communicate what my actual experience was, the emotions kicked in. As in, words first. My defenses were strong, so strong that when I started realizing I could pull them down, I realized how much energy they took to keep up. For me, the way it works is that first I have to lower my walls, then find the words that speak to what I experience, then the emotional connection happens.
I don't think you can force it. Sometimes I think we imagine that if we do ___ (like cry) in therapy, we'll be healed. Kind of like (slight warning for s*xual reference) "working" to have the big O.
Edited to add something about "personality": perusing my T's notes a few years ago, he often referred to my mood, which varied from "breezy" to "anxious" to "sad" and a few others I can't recall. I'm pretty expressive now but I used to be defended as stone.
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I think it may be a bit of both - content isn't as rich because having to protect my emotions gets in the way. Forget crying, I can't even say the words ‘I felt sad’. It's always either ‘angry’, an emotion i happen to feel somewhat comfortable sharing, or ‘I don't care’, ‘it’s not a big deal’. Silly when we both have just discussed why it is a problem. When questions get deeper, I then end up minimising the severity of the brief content I have just shared, if that makes any sense.
She told me at the end of session to think about these opposing languages I use.