Quote:
Originally Posted by darkside8
I think it may be a bit of both - content isn't as rich because having to protect my emotions gets in the way. Forget crying, I can't even say the words ‘I felt sad’. It's always either ‘angry’, an emotion i happen to feel somewhat comfortable sharing, or ‘I don't care’, ‘it’s not a big deal’. Silly when we both have just discussed why it is a problem. When questions get deeper, I then end up minimizing the severity of the brief content I have just shared, if that makes any sense.
She told me at the end of session to think about these opposing languages I use.
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Are you me? I have done the same thing, although I would probably say I jump at the chance to say I am angry. However, when the therapist makes any observation that I am scared, confused, sad, etc., I have vehemently denied those emotions. When she has called stuff abuse, I have argued with her about it. I also love to proclaim that I don't care about things. The therapist typically confronts me in the moment about my ridiculous denials and claims. This has been hard at times, but it has helped me. When she responds to whatever ludicrous statement I have made by maintaining her original stance, it makes me feel very vulnerable because it means she "knows." This vulnerability is indeed very uncomfortable.
How do I deal with it? Sometimes I try to distract her. I change the subject - either to something less intense or to something that I think will make her angry with me. For some reason, the latter behavior sometimes extends even after the session where I felt vulnerable is over and I end up acting out in some way. I think there are multiple motivations behind this behavior, but one of them is definitely to distract the therapist from me being all weak and vulnerable in the previous session and to restore myself to a position of power.
However, I have very gradually become less and less reactive as far as in session. I'm not to a point where I'm all mushy gushy and disclose my feelings all the time. However, I no longer feel an uncontrollable urge to deny when the therapist identifies emotions that I am clearly feeling - most of the time. Usually, I neither confirm nor deny what she says. I have also added a select few additional emotions or states of being to describe how I feel other than "angry." I am not quite as comfortable with them yet, but I can now usually admit to a generic "bad" and to being confused. During one session, I even admitted that a certain thing had made me feel threatened and personally attacked (it was kind of easy that time because the thing that made me feel that way was completely ridiculous - it was my yoga instructor's mushy tone of voice).
One thing I am wondering about you is if you are able to identify your emotions to yourself, or if it's hard to do even that.