I am posting this here because normally I’d tell my DBT T but she is gone this week. I am trying to work on my skills, so I guess I would appreciate if people didn’t comment saying that ex T was cruel or that I’m a stalker for driving by her house... I understand everyone may have their own opinions and I respect them, but those comments are pretty triggering for me and I’m still in a vulnerable place since she left.

I saw ex T walk by in the hall at the clinic and she looked at me briefly, but didn’t give much of a smile. I know I didn’t smile at her either. She just gave a soft “Hi.” And walked right on forward. This reminded me of times when she’s work to sustain eye contact and I tried doing that with her, but she looked away. Probably because she’s not my T anymore.

This may seem like a small thing to be triggered by and I know I’ve posted threads like this before, so I’m sorry for taking up space on here. I am trying to tell myself maybe it’s hard for her to see me there too. Maybe she misses me. Idk. I definitely don’t want to assume the best, if it is indeed, the worst - that she doesn’t care and she’s not happy to see me. Or even, maybe she’s totally neutral. I guess I wish it didn’t have to hurt. I wish we could both be happy to see each other, because I mistake hurt for negative feelings.

I don’t know whether it hurts her to see me (definitely not assuming it would hurt her as much as it does me) or whether she doesn’t care about me anymore. I mistake the two, but I’m trying really hard to believe it’s just hard for her too and I know that’s probably incredibly selfish of me to want that.