(((lavender))) I can't relate myself, I was always aware of the abuse that happened to me. My daughter is in your position though. She didn't find out until her late teens that her father had molested her when she was a toddler. It only came to light because he did it again when she was a teenager, and she woke up and caught him doing it.

This is a really rough place to be. Fortunately she has a lot of support. I would suggest you work on yourself in the present, at least for now. If you don't want to explore the details of what specifically happened to you, at least not yet, then just work on how to handle the present day anxiety.

I wish you well.