Well I made it through the day. Suffered with self harm thoughts for a good portion of the morning then settled into the numb depression of yesterday. I don’t know what my problem is. I’m so frustrated. It’s like a damn light switch. All of a sudden I wake up and I’m plunged into darkness. No trigger that I can see. I hate it. I just want normalcy.

I never started the emsam that my dr gave me last month because I felt better from the increase in haldol. Now I think I’m going to start it but I have to wait three days because I’ve been taking a decongestant and they have a severe interaction with MAOIs. It’ll take about three days for the decongestant to get completely out of my system. I see my pdoc on Tuesday so maybe I should hold off and ask him when I see him. I don’t know if I can do this for that long though. I’m already getting self harm and suicidal thoughts.

I’m such a ****ing baby. Some of you suffer with depression for months and after two days I’m like wah wah I want to die. I don’t know why I’m so dramatic.